Paperclippings Blog: My Big Fear

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I pray because I believe, and I believe because I pray.

Joseph Walker--Deseret Morning News

Utah, United States

Kelly is the mother of 5 adorable kids--4 boys and a girl. The girl came in a package with a boy (twins). Kelly is married to a charming young man who lives and breathes computers. They are also guardians for three nieces and a nephew.

She is active in the community having served as PTA President of a local elementary school, on the board of the Salt Lake Mothers of Twins, as a district round-table trainer with the Cub Scouts, as a volunteer for Sidelines (a support network for Women on bed rest during pregnancy) and she and her husband are active in the LDS Church.

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Salt Lake LDS Temple Centennial with a full 3D model of the building in downtown Salt Lake City, Utah. This Single Image Stereogram was done at the 100 year anniversary of the building's completion.

Printed at 18x24 inches.

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"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

Helaman 5:12

Courtesy of Scott Kurtz


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

My Big Fear

I am in a local Super Store with my teenage son buying a pair of gym shorts and shoes for his Fitness class at school. At the end of a very long isle is a light brown patio umbrella. It is January and I know, for a fact, that stores do not start the summer patio displays until March or April. But there it is. Most people would not even notice it nor give it a second thought. My son, in fact, has no idea it is there—even when I point it out to him.

But for me, the patio umbrella is somewhat of an enigma. I can tell you a lot about them. I can tell you what colors they come in; the different styles that are available and where you can buy them. I can tell you which stores carry them and which do not. But I do not have the foggiest idea what is written on the price tag. I can’t get close enough to find out.

The hitch to all this is that I am unbelievably terrified of them. I am so terrified; in fact, that I would rather die than face the underside of one of them.

I have never known a time when these objects did not scare the daylights out of me. When I was a kid my parents had a great big one. Giving a description of it is enough to send me spinning. It was green with white fringe around the edges. I can manage to tell you what it looked like from a distance, but if I try to tell what it looked like from the underside I ...I just can't go there, though I know what it looked like.

My parents tried to calm my fears though they figured it was a passing childhood fear and that I would eventually grow out of this fear. Then one day, after my dad did some research, he learned I had a bona fide phobia. As an adult I would go to hypnosis and other therapy with no improvement.

Phobias, I learned, did not involve actually being afraid of the object or situation. It was the fear of being afraid that perpetuated the phobia. I had felt something akin to fear when faced with one of these objects. Subconsciously, I never want to feel that again. I refuse to go near them. It is like there is an invisible barrier between them and me. I can feel them when I am not looking. All it takes is to see one of them out of the corner of my eye and I jump.

I can tell myself that they are harmless sources of shade. But, does my subconscience listen? NO!


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On Thursday, November 29, 2007 8:55:00 AM, Blogger nanc wrote...

holy crappe, kell!

this is not only irrational, it's unreasonable.

as for mine, if you promise not to tell anybody - i've NEVER felt comfortable on a toilet and as a child had visions of a hand coming up from the water and pinching me on the behind - i ain't lyin'!

although i've gotten over the hand thing, knowing there's no possible way it could happen - duh - i'm still never comfortable there.

i can do my business in less than twenty seconds, flush, close the lid and i'm outta there!

pop'll say, "take a magazine and get confortable."


i do, however, like to play toilet jokes on my family - just last night i put two of the brown m&m minis in there just to see who'd get a kick out of it.

once, i put one of those huge, furry looking rubber halloween spiders in it when i knew zgirl was going in there - did she ever howl when she lifted the lid!

we've been doing things with this spider for the last ten or twelve years - you'd think we'd all be used to it.

On Thursday, November 29, 2007 8:56:00 AM, Blogger nanc wrote...

oops! "coMfortable", not "coNfortable"!

On Thursday, November 29, 2007 9:06:00 AM, Blogger cube wrote...

Came here via nanc's blog to read about your, er, rather strange patio umbrella phobia, and found nanc's, er, rather strange toilet phobia.

You two scare me as much as vampires used to scare me a kid. I used to sleep with my neck covered!!!

I guess we all have weird fears.


On Thursday, November 29, 2007 9:33:00 AM, Blogger Kelly wrote...

Nanc, Yes, I know my fear is unreasonable. OH MY!! But, does my subconscious listen??? There are times when I give myself a good talking to and it still doesn't work.

As for this toilet thing, Nanc, at least I "picked" a phobia that I can get around. HOLY COW! I am glad to hear that you can at least use it. One would worry if you were completely terrified of them. They have things like catheters for such issues. Still trying to think how you would take a dump though. Okay, so I didn't put too much thought into that idea...ewwww!!

He he reality, I am one to talk. I didn't mind being under smaller rain umbrellas until recent years. I can be under one of those if I am with someone else, but not alone. BUT, you cannot get me even near a bigger one with all the people in the world. They are evil, I tell you, EVIL!!

Cube, I have to sleep with the blankets over my head with my face peaking out...and on my side. If I try to sleep on my back I get sleep paralysis...and THAT is scary.

I also don't like mirrors at thanks to a friend of mine telling me scary stories when we were kids.

On Thursday, November 29, 2007 9:50:00 AM, Blogger nanc wrote...

i don't like the cups and glasses in my cupboards to be put in upside know, in case a bug pooped there...


kelly - i get that paralysis also - it's almost like an out of body experience. strange.


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